growing.learning.hoping to inspire.

I’m not always inspired to blog, but I am tonight.  

I’m reading a book by Francis Frangipane called “The Three Battlegrounds,” and it is radically changing the way I see the world around me, how I handle the thoughts inside my head, and what I would say about the condition of my heart.  

So far, 2012 has held a lot of shifts in my mind.  Granted, I have really seen God change so many things in my life in the past several years, there are always things that need to be shifted in my thinking.  For example, instead of feeling the need to be superwoman, I can just be who I am.  Instead of feeling like I have to know what’s going on at all times, it’s okay for me to never know.  Instead of feeling like I cannot get over an argument, a hurt feeling, I apply grace instead.  Instead of feeling like there is no possible way that I can make up for my failures, I feel no need to make up for my failures, but just simply allow God to do what He has always wanted to do when I fail: love me, forgive me, encourage me, restore me back to His heart.  Gosh.  He’s so darn good.

This book has really shone so much light on mindsets that were soooooo off from the truth that is Christ.  And, what’s so wonderful, is that by fixing the mindsets, I find freedom, which means that I become more mature in my walk with Christ, I can love Him better, and I can minister His love better.  I am always asking to hear what He wants to say to me.  But, the thing is that if my mind is still screwed up in its thinking, I cannot hear what He is saying.  I am always hearing through the filter of my thoughts which are not full of truth all the time.  So, tearing down old mindsets breaks down the barrier between my spirit and my mind.  And what is the result?  PEACE.  Beautiful peace.  There’s nothing better than the peace of God.

Something that He is so magnificently teaching me is how truly terrible striving is for the heart.  It causes us to feel like we can never do enough, like we have to work for God’s love and blessings, or like we have to be something we aren’t in order for God to be able to use us the way He longs.  It also makes us feel like objects rather than sons and daughters.  And, when we’re striving, we aren’t able to clearly hear the voice of God, because He’s always speaking quiet, peace, rest, hope, life, clarity, ease of mind.  He is never making our lives busy…He makes our lives FULL, but never busy.  

Life, as we perceive it, is based upon the condition of our heart.  This is very important because the gifts of the Spirit must pass through our hearts before they are presented to the world around us.  In other words, if our hearts are not right, the gifts will not be right either.  When the heart has unrest it cannot hear from God.  Therefore, we must learn to mistrust our judgement when our heart is bitter, angry, ambitious or harboring strife for any reason.  The Scriptures tell us to “let the peace of Christ rule [act as arbiter] in [our] hearts” (Colossians 3:15).  To hear clearly from God, we must first have peace.

The Three Battlegrounds by Francis Frangipane

 So, I rest in the fact that God is God, He loves me, He forgives forever, and I get to inherit the Kingdom of God.  THAT is a wonderful thing.

My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.

Then you will understand what is right and just and fair - every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to you soul.  Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.

-Proverbs 2:1-6, 9-11 

I’m a 22 year old in full time ministry and have been for almost 2 years.  I get the honor to help disciple and train a generation to fear and love the Lord.  I find this incredibly strange that God has placed me here, now, at this time, to do this specific task.  Of course, I know he’s brought me here for things that it has and will teach me as well.  Nonetheless, it continues to amaze me that someone thinks I’m qualified to do this job.  Why do I say that?  Because I feel just as curious about the next step, the next season, the next phase of life that God has for me as anyone else.  

As I was reading this passage in Proverbs this morning, I realized that the questions of, “What am I supposed to do with my life?  Which way am I supposed to go?  Where am I supposed to be?” are not questions that I just hear my students ask all the time, but questions we all ask on a pretty consistent basis (or at least we should).  When we don’t know the answers to these questions, I know I can only speak for myself, but I get frustrated with the not knowing and want to just move along in whatever direction I was already walking in.  Solomon says in this passage that if we want to know what is “right and just and fair - every good path” we must apply our hearts to understanding, seek wisdom, turn our ears to His commands, call out for insight, and cry out for understanding.  What does that mean?  Meditate on the Word of God.  Allow your soul to soak in it, seek wise counsel, cry out for more understanding of Him.  

Often, we, as impatient frustrated beings, get angry with the not knowing, stamp our feet, pout, and cry to get all the answers right now.  But, the Lord’s answer for knowing the right path is to meditate on His Words of wisdom.  When we allow our souls to marinate in the Word of God, it begins to separate flesh from spirit, emotion from discernment, wisdom from selfish and foolish ways.  

For the word of God is living and active.  Sharper than any double edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12

Our hearts CANNOT stay the same as we allow the Lord’s word to penetrate our hearts.  That only comes spending time in His word, reading, meditating, obeying, and applying our hearts to it.  THEN we can know the fair, just, and right way.  THEN we will understand the fear of the Lord, and we will find knowledge of God.

So, as I have questions about where God has me going next, what He is saying next, rather than turning to frustration, I will turn to the word immediately.  Maybe my answer is not a place, a thing, or a new calling.  Maybe my answer is to allow my heart to change so I can be transformed from glory to glory.  

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

This morning I am totally overwhelmed by the goodness of God.  Just remembering where I was last year around this time and seeing where I am right now…I am so amazed and astonished at His goodness.  He is more than I could ever imagine.  It’s all because of His unending compassion, grace, and overwhelming mercy that is new every morning.  Take time today to remember where God has brought you from.  It’s incredibly sobering and delightful:)

For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.-Jesus, Matthew 12:34

It’s late; I can’t make myself go to sleep these days; I’m hungry, and I am up thinking about this verse I read this morning.
We say a lot of nasty things sometimes.  Whether it’s merely jokes we tell (or laugh at), the latest news on why who’s doing what with whom and where they were, angry arguments over meaningless disputes, or sarcasm that can often cut too close to the truth, our mouths say a lot of things that I’m sure we are not proud of later.  
When I read this passage this morning, I really was checked in my spirit.  I asked the Lord, “What is my overflow?”  He revealed to me some nasty junk that overflows out of my heart which comes out in the way I talk to others, talk about others, encourage (or, should I say, discourage), and praise and worship Him.  Yep…the overflow of my heart affects the way I worship and praise Him with my own lips.  

Through Him then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name.-Hebrews 13:15

Jesus said that out of the overflow of our hearts, our mouths speak.  In Hebrews, the author says that a sacrifice of praise to God is the fruit of lips that acknowledge His name.  If what comes off of my lips is a sign of what’s in my heart, then these two verses tell me that I cannot praise God with my lips without first acknowledging Him in my heart.  Also, to continually lift up a sacrifice of praise to Him means that my heart is continually thinking on Him, loving Him, and giving Him access.  What is in my heart affects the depth of my praise because of what comes off of my lips.  This is why the psalmist asks God to change his heart, purify him, cleanse him.  He even makes a vow to the Lord that his lips will not sin against Him.  I believe that our worship will go to a whole new level if we can worship out of an overflow of praise instead of an overflow of filth.  
Honestly, with the things that I hear myself and others continually letting come off of our lips, I am afraid to see what is in our hearts.  I am utterly ashamed at the filth (I’m not necessarily speaking of cursing or vulgar language here…it can be as simple as words or tones that do not honor God) that comes out of our mouths.  If that is coming out of our mouths, what do you think our worship smells like?  Paul tells us to be the aroma of Christ here on the earth.  I am ashamed to say that I’m not so sure that we smell any different than the world we live in because we do not guard our lips, much less our hearts.  
This very much ties to the message Jesus teaches about sowing and reaping.  Whatever we are sowing into our hearts is what will be our overflow.  What if we got really serious about being radical for Christ, and instead of spending time on facebook, tumblr, twitter, or whatever time consuming task you take part in, we spent time humbly coming before the Lord to worship Him, know Him, and be transformed from glory to glory by Him?  What would the Christian church look like then?  I think there would be less people walking into the hospitals and more people walking into the church.  I think there would be less prostitutes walking the streets and more women with a passion for purity.  I think there would be less orphans wandering through life and more “lonely set in families.”  It is time for us to do what the Word of the Living God says.
I encourage you…take time right now to sincerely ask God what is your overflow, and believe that He will tell you.  As He reveals things to you that are nasty and filthy, repent of them immediately to make your heart in proper alignment with His.  He is forever forgiving us.  Then, choose to live differently from the world around us.  Make Him your overflow and become the aroma of Christ to those who are perishing into darkness.  Worship and LIVE from your overflow in Him.

We are in the last quarter of 2011, and I honestly am blown away at how quickly time has passed by.

I remember the place I was in last September/October and am utterly amazed at how God has grown me through harsh experiences to be more graceful, free, and abundantly amazed at His love for me.  I can say that, though I am working daily to allow the Lord to change my heart, He has taken me from a woman who had a need to control, be perfect, and know every step before I took the next one to one who is totally excited to NOT be in control, feels a freedom when I’m NOT perfect, and can already feel SUCH excitement and exhilaration because I do NOT know what my next step is, or when it is.  I went from seeking my own kingdom, trying to make things work by my own efforts, to seeking His, and allowing HIS plan to operate in my life through HIS efforts.  Being so in love with Jesus is the most wonderful thing I’ve ever known.  

It reminds me of a parable the Lord has not allowed me to stop meditating on out of Matthew 13.

The Kingdom of Heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up.  Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.  Again, the Kingdom of Heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

Matthew 13:44-46

When we really lay hold of the Kingdom of God, we literally will sell everything else that we own for it.  

Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them, “If anyone come to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.  Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.  For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?  Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘this man began to build and was not able to finish.’  Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand?  And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace.  So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14:25-33

To fall in love with Jesus and WANT to be His disciple means to lay everything else aside.  To seek first His Kingdom and righteousness.  

For a long time, I thought I was doing just that.  I thought that because I was in ministry, because I had spent my whole life loving Jesus and doing good things, that I was a disciple of God and knew freedom in Christ.  FALSE.  I had so much baggage of needing to be in control of my life, and the lives of people I was in relationships with.  Needing to be perfect because I thought that God would only love me if I was perfect…that the reason He loved me was because He could use me.  FALSE.  He just asked me to lay all that mess aside, to forsake everything else and ACCEPT all that He is.  He is freedom, grace, mercy, compassion, justice, family, love, power, divine, holy, righteous, pure, joy, life.  By forsaking all that I am, all that I have (not just forsaking unholy things I do…forsaking every mindset that keeps me from Christ), I can freely walk into all that He is.  GLORY TO GOD FOR FREEDOM.

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Place me like a seal over your heart,
like a seal on your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
its jealousy unyielding as the grave.
It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
Many waters cannot quench love;
rivers cannot wash it away.
If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love,
it would be utterly scorned.

Song of Solomon 8:6-7 

As the deer pants for streams of water,
so my soul pants for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When can I go and meet with God?

Psalm 42:1-2

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls,
all your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me -
a prayer to the God of my life.

Psalm 42:7-8